Give Me A Reason
by Evendale
Summary: Why does Jasnah Kholin hate Meridas Amaram so much?


In the prologue to Words of Radiance, we see Jasnah treating Amaram coolly, but there does not seem to be any strong emotion there. Yet in Oathbringer, she clearly hates him. What happened in between?

** Trigger warning: attempted assault**

Princess Jasnah Kholin was sunk in thought, staring at the Soulcaster gleaming on the table in front of her. The noise coming from the floor below indicated that the feast was far from over, even though she had excused herself hours ago. She knew this would be seen as a snub by her sister-in-law, but honestly, she felt that Aesudan's exuberance was in poor taste – feasting in Kholinar while her husband was off fighting the Parhendi in the east, avenging his father's murder. Yet she had bigger problems at the moment than her sister-in-law's extravagances. These strange powers she had been manifesting lately worried her. First there was this shadowy, unnerving world that seemed to overlap her own reality, and lately she sometimes thought she could see a dark figure looming at the edge of her vision. She had wondered if her mind was perhaps slipping again… But then… she had suddenly Soulcast something without a Soulcaster – something that _should_ have been impossible.

She sighed, turning everything over in her mind. She had been able to replicate the results several times now, visiting the world of beads and returning safely after transforming a nearby object, and she was confident by now that it wasn't a fluke. And yet, if this was actually happening, it meant that she would have to study it, urgently. Kholinar, with its limited library, wasn't sufficient anymore – she would have to go to Tashikk, or perhaps Kharbranth, for more information. She hated leaving the capital to the management of Aesudan, but this was too important.

Jasnah sighed again and stood up. Perhaps a good night's sleep would bring her counsel. She had unpinned her hair and was about to undress when there was a loud knock on the door. One of her informants, perhaps, with an urgent report? She hastened to open the door, but it wasn't one of her spies. It was Brightlord Amaram.

"Meridas?" Jasnah said, surprised. "Why are you not down at the feast?"

"I wanted to speak with you", he said, slurring his words slightly. She eyed him more closely and noticed that his hair was disheveled and he had a slight blurry look in his usually sharp eyes.

"Are you _drunk_?" she asked him with distaste.

"What man would not drink if the woman he loved kept scorning him?" he replied.

She regarded him coolly. "Don't be ridiculous, Meridas. We talked about this, like adults. Several times, in fact. I hoped we could be done with this by now."

"I can't just give up, Jasnah. I care for you deeply."

"We both know that is not true. The thing you care deeply for is the prestige a Kholin connection would bring you."

"You know your father wanted this match for you… before he died", he mumbled.

She drew herself up and gave him a cold look. "Really, Meridas? You're resorting to emotional blackmail now?"

"Do you even _have_ emotions?" he retorted, bitter.

"My emotions are many and varied. Unfortunately, however, none of them apply to you."

He shot her a resentful look. "You are cold, you know that?"

"One of my many faults, I'm sure."

"If you could just give me a chance, Jasnah." He tried to take her hand, and she quickly took a step back.

"Pull yourself together, Meridas. This does not become you."

"How can I prove myself worthy of you? There must be something I can do?"

"Nothing you can do or say would ever change my mind."

"Other women like me, you know. Lots of other women."

"Maybe you should go and bother them, then."

"What's wrong with you?" he spat suddenly, angry. "Is it true what people say? Do you prefer women?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. Goodnight, Meridas." She began closing the door, but he pushed it back open, and before she knew it, he was in the room.

"I'm sure I could change your mind", he said, stumbling slightly, but still much taller, much stronger than she was. Jasnah felt a sudden pang of alarm.

"Get out", she hissed. "This isn't proper!"

"As if you care for what's proper", he scoffed, advancing further into the room. "I bet I could change your mind", he repeated. "Women always tell me I'm very good."

"And how much do you have to pay them to say that?" she shot back, beginning to lose her temper.

He scowled. "You're too clever for your own good, you know that? But I think you're not quite as _untouchable_ as you like to pretend to be."

And with a soldier-quick maneuver, he suddenly grabbed her by her left arm and pulled her close, his other hand snaking around her waist. She struggled in vain to get free, and as she pushed against his chest, the palm of her freehand began to tingle ominously.

"Storm you Meridas, let me go, I don't want to hurt you!"

"Hurt me?" he snorted. "That's cute."

In a split second, Jasnah considered what her best course of action would be. She longed to use her powers on him, transform him into a puddle of slime on the floor, but that would raise _very_ awkward questions. Moreover, he was an important ally of her brother, and not a bad man when he wasn't drunk. If only she had her Soulcaster, then he would know to take her threats seriously, but it was still lying on the table where she'd taken it off earlier. Still… it was her best option.

She stopped struggling, and his grip on her arm relaxed immediately. Hating this, hating him, she forced herself to meet his eyes and smile. As she leaned in to him, she felt his grip slacken even more… and with a sudden pull, she twisted herself free and scrambled across the room. He cursed and pursued her, catching her right at the table as she was trying to put on the Soulcaster, fumbling because of her sleeved safehand. He used his body to pin her against the side of the table, and she fought down her disgust, of feeling him touch her, of his breath against his neck, as she focused only on putting on the complicated device. When he turned her around to face him, she was ready. Without a moment's hesitation, she slammed her freehand against his chest, and he froze.

"Give me a reason", she hissed, furious. "And I _swear_ I'll do it."

He looked down at the shining gems, then back up at her. "You wouldn't."

"Do you really want to find out, brightlord?" she spat at him. "Do you want to know what I'm made of? Do I look _weak_ to you?"

Something in her eyes must have convinced him, because he slowly began to back away.

"Calm yourself", he said. "I was only jesting…"

"Yes, I can barely breathe from laughing", she snapped, her hand still held out in front of her as she advanced on him, forcing him backwards toward the door. "Go sleep off your wine, Meridas. Tomorrow I want you _gone._ "

He retreated the last few steps out of the door, then turned to her once more, pleading. "Jasnah…"

"Don't _ever_ talk to me again", she said, her voice full of cold fury, and she slammed the door in his face. She kept up her stance a moment longer, hand raised in case he should try to force his way back in, but after a minute she heard his footsteps retreating down the hall. Then she lowered her hand and leaned back against the door, before sliding down to the ground, trembling. Her heart was racing, and she felt dirty. She would call her maids, wake them up if necessary, she wanted a bath, she needed to wash this entire encounter off of her… In a minute, as soon as she stopped shaking.

Putting her forehead against her knees, she was taking deep, calming breaths, trying to collect herself, when she suddenly heard a voice. "Jasnah". She scrambled upright again, raising her hand reflexively, her heart pounding against her ribs, and there it was… one of those strange creatures again. It looked like a man, tall, wearing stiff robes, but it was entirely black, with an oily sheen where it reflected the light. She had seen it once before, when she had first fallen into Shadesmar for the first time. Or perhaps this wasn't the same one… it felt different, somehow, more unsure. It seemed surprised by something.

"Jasnah", it said again. "You heard me. It is."

She desperately tried to collect her thoughts. "You… you are the thing I've been seeing at the edge of my vision."

"This is so. I have been with you for several spaces of time."

"Am I losing my mind again?" she whispered.

He looked pensive at that. "No", he finally said. "Your mind is strong. You are strong. Like stone."

She tried to hide the fact that her fingers were still trembling as she lowered her freehand and drew herself up to stand tall again.

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice steady. "Are you a spren?"

"Yes", he replied. "My name is Ivory."


End file.
